QUESTIONS OF THE HEART BY HELEN OGUEGO






What is it about you that keeps’ me awake at night?
What have you done to me?
Why do I keep comparing you to every other guy?
Why is it hard to have another relationship even after shaking off the demons of the past?
Why do I love you the way I do?
What are you doing to me?


Why do I keep thinking about you?
Why did I even fall in love with you in the first place?
What is exactly happening to me?
Why does it have to be you of all people?
Any other person I would have been easy to deal with it would have been able to hide my feelings. I would give anything to know that you feel the same way about me, that I’m not in this ocean of love all alone. It hurts to know that you don’t even know how I feel. I ask myself am I not a fool for loving you the way I do, for rejecting every other relationship because of you.                                            
You mean a lot to me, much more than you can ever imagine, and I hope that someday you will see that I love you and always will.                                                                                                                                     
When did I first know I was in love with you, or did it just creep in on me without my knowledge?                    
My friends used to tell me that I was in love with you. I vehemently denied it. I asked myself how it could be. You were unattainable, you didn’t notice I existed in that manner, yet I could not continually lie to myself. The more I saw you the more aware I became that somehow without I knowing, you had carved a place in my heart for yourself.                                                                              
Little by little you became the center of my thoughts and it got worse that I could not look at another guy without comparing him to you and somehow they didn’t measure up.                                    
What do you say to taking a chance with me?                                                                                                                              
I just want to start again with you, may be you could show me how to try again, how to trust another person again.
                                                                                                                                                        
If you are not mine then why does my heart beat this way?
I don’t know what the future will bring but I know that I want that future to include you.
If I don’t need you, then why does your name resound like a bell in my head?
Why do I keep thinking about you all the time?
Why do I have to keep writing about you, no matter how much I tell myself that I should stop writing about you?

I cannot seem to stop myself, these words just flow somehow. I don’t know if I will ever be able to tell u how I feel, but at least I can write about it. From the moment I knew you I was gone.                         The little things we often term inconsequential are in life what really matters.  Somehow the times you showed me care actually struck a chord in my heart and the strings keeps getting tighter.
Why do I love you the way I do? That’s the one question I can’t seem to answer no matter how hard I try. They say the heart is its own master and you don’t dictate to it.                                                
Why can’t I seem to get into another relationship even after banishing all the demons of the past is still a wonder to me?                                                                                                                                                                
It’s not like the guys don’t come but even those who are close to my heart don’t measure up. I always find one thing or the other to stop the relationship from being a reality. I know I have been hurt real bad in the past but deep down I know that’s not what’s stopping me from trying again.                          
I know that somewhere in my heart I still hold a candle out and hope against all hope that you say the words my heart really wants to hear. I stay away from relationships because I knew that if I were in one and you asked me to date you I would end it all for you and I don’t want to be that kind of gal.                                                                                                                                                                                 My friend says I should not place all my hope on you that if I found someone else I should go out with that person and I told her that I was not that foolish to do something like that but then the    one person u cannot lie to is yourself and I wonder if am not been foolish. I remember when I told that I could never love another person the way I love you, I meant it. I want you to know that even though it doesn’t work about between us I could never stop loving you that would be asking me to remove a part of myself, that’s how important you have become to me and if I can’t have your love then I will settle for your friendship but my heart is still on the line.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Yours in love.



1 comment:

  1. Matters of the heart are sometimes the hardest knot to crack, so many questions to answer. Some answers aren't hard to find while others have no answers...well at the end, its all about understanding...its a good one @helen

    ReplyDelete

Powered by Blogger.