Breaking up with a Boyfriend or Girlfriend

The wise saying goes, ‘Never break a human heart, which is God’s best construction’. God condemns for life, by giving those a broken heart. A sincere lover boy or a girl, do not love to break. However, breaking up does not mean that it is the end of the world. But the process, the stages involved till the final breakup, are extremely difficult. The pangs turn unbearable and sometimes lead to suicidal tendencies.
Initially, the idea of breakup comes up in a fit of anger over some misunderstandings.
The prestige issue and ego come to the fore. The girl, the moment she begins to love a boy, demands his exclusive attention. She cannot tolerate any other innocent or friendly relationship of her boy with anyone. The boys have a tendency to be friendly with more than one girl. They fail to realize that, once the relationship becomes serious with a particular girl, it needs to be viewed in an entirely new perspective. The girl whom he loves is not willing to share that exclusiveness with anyone else.
The boy or a girl makes impulsive decisions to breakup following some minor altercations. This is the problem with the combustible younger generation. They hasten to break; they forget that there is a golden middle path—that of reconciliation.
Break-up is an immediate problem between two individuals. But it has adverse effect on the psychology of the members of the family.
They are compelled to watch a situation where they are unable to do anything positively. The process of breaking up begins with a question.  The girl has realized that it is most probably all over for her. Her inner consciousness warns her that the relationship needs to be terminated without any further delay.

When it is not necessary to break, it is necessary not to break.
When the break is necessary, it needs to be carried out without hesitation, but with fortitude, to save future troubles. There is no easy way to do it, but a procedure will have to be followed.
Some of the reasons for break up are:
  1. Not-so important issues become important as the relationship develops, when the girl thinks that she has to carry on with a life-long partnership with her boyfriend, with un
    steady approach to issues.
  2. The boyfriend is nice to the girl, but cannot maintain his mental poise in the presence of her relatives. He is mean to them but loves the girlfriend immensely.
  3. The girl has found out that the boyfriend is a compulsive liar.
  4. They are unable to like each other with the same intensity of passion/feelings when they first met each other.

How to handle the breakup?

  • Instead of keeping the issue suppressed in the heart, it is better to make a clean slate about the intentions. Practice this honest approach and get it right. Waiting and postponing the issue will add to more confusion will end up in frustration and the results could be bitter. Do not keep the boyfriend confused; he is the individual whom you trusted until very recently. Waiting makes the situation worse. The boyfriend must be told about the decision, it should be explained politely but firmly, that the decision to break is final. Stick to the resolution and avoid rethink at all costs.
  • As far as possible, a new resolve may sprout to remain as friends. Be wary of this decision, it may work to spoil the intended break. Better to cut off the ties, once for all. Do not carry the extra baggage, throughout life. Since this is the most important emotional issue, it is better not to get charged up. State your opinion with a calm mind about the intended breakup.
  • Do not involve in a blaming game. Do not cause any intentional pain with harsh expressions. The issue is there and it has to be faced boldly. Waiting will add to the confusion. Talk about the issue in a straightforward manner without sending mixed signals. The blame game will not help the cause, as the intended breakup is not tentative, but final.
  • Do not allow the relationship to take an aggressive turn. Means of communicating the breakup will vary according to the situation—to sort out the issue in person is the best option. Give a call, write a letter or finally, avail the services of a trusted common friend.
  • As for the boy, when the girl gives strong negative signals, due to a variety of reasons, it is time to take stock of the situation and accept the reality and move on. Give up sweet imaginings that the relations will fructify again. Without unnecessary confrontation and baseless accusations, take things positively to say the final word and terminate the relationship once for all.
  • The next step is to mend the heart with a cool-off period. Initially, the healing process may not be easy, at the same time it is an attainable reality.  To sum up poetically,
She sows the seed of love and the tender sapling grows, It is full of fragrant flowers, when she cuts it and throws…doesn’t matter. Roses bloom even in the graveyard!

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